Tag Archives: vanilla

Go Fuck Yoursel, Vanilla Ice

6 Mar

As you know, next Friday, that cunt Vanilla Ice is coming to Ayr. I got excited and booked it off work, so I could go see him, and touch him, and make him love me.

But, I’ve decided that that dickwad can go fuck himself. He doesn’t appreciate his fans! He wouldn’t care that I came 30 odd miles to go see him, to marvel in his glory. He proberly wouldn’t even glimpse in my direction.

So fuck you Vanilla Ice. You are dead to me.


Vanilla’s Valentine

13 Feb

I saw this card, and instantly thought of you, Vanilla. xxx

Friday 11th March…

10 Feb

I am going to get arrested. Why? VANILLA ICE IS COMING TO AYR!!

Vanilla Ice is coming to Club de Mar on Friday 11th March! How amazing!!! And do you know why he’s coming to Ayr? Because he obviously read that I am starting a new job in Ayr, and he wants to be with me. It’s the only explaination. I mean, Ayr’s shit. He just wants to go to be with me.

That’s why he’s not tweeted me back. He’d prefer to speak to me in real life. And give me my present. You know, Magnus.

I have just over a month to prepare for him. So, gotta make him presents, write him a song etc etc. I am so excited.

Guess what. Slappy’s not even going to be in the country, so he can’t stop me being with my soulmate. 😀 Vanilla’s on my freebie list anyway, so its no problem. God.  I am so excited.

Does anyone know a good lawyer? Because I am almost certainly going to be arrested for sexual assault, GBH, stalking etc etc.

I can’t wait.

Vanilla Ice breaks my heart

27 Jan

I’ve just lost all faith in humanity. Why wont he tweet me back? He’s tweeted back some of his fans. I mean, he follows me on Twitter, so he is aware of my existence. What is it about me that he just doesn’t like? Why aren’t I good enough for you Vanilla?

He just hates me. 😦

I’m just going to curl up in a ball and cry my eyes out. I mean, I have so much faith in him. I support him in so many ways. And he just doesn’t care about me. Why is he treating me this way. I thought he loved all his “Ice Ninjas”. Everyone except for me.

I’m crying as I type this. Are you happy now Vanilla? Reducing your number one fan to tears? Giving her a feeling of worthlessness. I’m not good enough for Vanilla Ice. I’m not good enough for anyone.

You’ve left me a broken, broken woman.

Vanilla’s got mail

17 Jan

Well, not yet.

My fiance, Vanilla Ice, has requested his fans send him mail. He’s even said he’ll reply!! See his twitter below:

Vanilla baby, that is perhaps the biggest mistake of your life!! Prepare yourself for noetails, locks of hair, dirty pictures, me, dirty pants, eyelashes, love juice, and obsessive letters.

I will let you know what the first parcel contains. His reply will more than likely be a restraining order.


15 Jan


My boy’s got skills

10 Jan


You’d think he was a professional!!