Tag Archives: toilet

Last Day

4 Feb

Today is my last day at the current day job. I am no longer going to be a self employed copywriter! Woohoo!! Instead, I will working onĀ  market research project for a company in Ayr. MORE commuting! This new role is only a 3 month contract, so is a bit risky, but who knows- it could lead to other things.

So goodbye Larbert, it’s been fun. Most of all, goodbye my lovely cubicle. You’ve served me well. You’ve kept me strong , provided comfort and were usually always there when I needed you. I hope you’re left in capable hands, and not that dirty mad bint.

So long Larbert, so long.


What the fuck is she playing at?!

17 Jan

Aye, so am in the office, and I make my way to the kitchen to make me and BeardBandit some tea. While it’s brewing I go to the toilet. You know, multi-task. So on my walk to the toilet, this dick leaves her office in front of me, and also makes her way to the toilets.

Panic starts to set in. What the fuck is she doing. She better not DARE use my toilet.

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Stupid toilet bint

22 Nov

I am in an actual, proper full-on rage. I’m seething. Seething.

I went to the toilet, walking along the corridor with a spring in my step. For once I’m not stressing about anyone being in my cubicle, just skipping along all happy go lucky. I push open the door to the toilets, and to my utter delight, I see that my cubicle is vacant. Hurrah! All is right with the world!

I daunder over to cubicle second from the left, big ole grin on my face, ready to do my business. Push open to cubicle door and stop dead in my tracks. My heart sinks, and my glee turns to mortified horror. I physically feel sick at the sight.

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World Toilet Day

19 Nov


Apparently, today is World Toilet Day. The above link lets you track how far your flush has gone. My morning flush apparently travelled 1.81 miles away from me today. How exciting.

I will celebrate by throwing a party in cubicle second from the left. No one else is invited. Get your skanky bitch self out of my cubicle love, you can’t share the celebration.

How will you celebrate?


15 Nov

Have you seen the film Role Models? It is amazing. There is a scene where, due to a large consumption of Minotaur Energy Drink, Paul Rudd’s character Danny pee is bright, neon green.

I too am experiencing urine of bright, neon extremes, only mine is fluorescent yellow. I am talking fluorescent to the glowstick extreme. This is due to my incredibly high intake of Rockstar energy drinks. It’s quite a surprising thing to experience, having a ray of pee, brighter than the sun, shooting out of you. What the fuck is in those gigantic things of Rockstar?!

I am looking forward to the day where I go to the toilet and nothing out of the ordinary pops out of my lady garden. One day….one day.

What else is hiding up there?!

1 Nov

I’m just…so shocked!! Just you know, having a pee, wiping up any spills, and oh look- here’s a used condom. Aye cheers life.

Fuck sake. What will tomorrow morning’s pee bring? Perhaps that DVD I lost a couple of years back will pay me a visit. Who knows.

Well that was unexpected

1 Nov

I just went to the toilet. As I was wiping, a condom fell out my vagina.

It’d been stuck up there for roughly 12 hours. That might explain my sore stomach.

Looks like it’s the morning after pill before work tomorrow. FML.