Tag Archives: rants

“You could have any man you want”

1 Dec

My friends read my blog, and about my disasterous experience with men. They read about how I date a guy, think he’s pretty cool, think there might be something there, and then never hear from him again. They know I get a bit upset about it. What do they say to cheer me up?

“Oh, don’t worry about him. You could have any man you want.”

Whilst I appreciate the sentiment, this is by far the worst thing to say. “You could have any man you want”. You know, apart from him. He just dingyed you. oh and mind the guy before him? Aye, he dingyed you too, so…you probs couldn’t have him. Or that guy you had a great time with- he doesn’t want anything to do with you either. But you know don’t worry about him, you could have any man you want.

To a certain extent, they are right. This year, I have set my sights on a couple of men, and 9 times out of 10, I’ve managed to pull them. So yes, in that case, I could have any man I want. For one date. One single date.

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I am not an agony aunt!

22 Nov

For some reason, I seem to give off the impression that I am some sort of agony aunt. In the past month, at least 10 of my friends have told me all their problems, and burdened me with all of their troubles. Now, I don’t wanna sound like a dick or a bad friend. If you have a problem, I will happily listen to you and try to give you some helpful advice. I am there for my friends, and will try and help them as best I can. I honestly don’t mind, and am happy to help you out.

But man alive!! I’m starting to feel like Jeremy Kyle! Problem after problem after problem. The thing is, I have terrible advice. God awful advice. Listening- I’m great at that.  You can talk to me for hours about your hang ups and hassles, that’s no problem. But when you ask me for my opinion?

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Shite friends

5 Nov

I am in an absolute terrible mood today. Absolutely raging/pissed off/ unimpressed.com to tha maxx. You know what’s really pissing me off? Shite people. People who are meant to be your friend, but you know, only when it’s convenient for them. They pick and choose when they wanna be your friend. No fucking consistency.

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Full of lies

4 Nov

This has been bugging the crap out of me recently. I mean, REALLY bugging me. Everytime I think about it, I go into a wee rage for about 5 minutes. Probably on par with someone using my cubicle.

The song “It’s Tricky” by Run DMC is complete lies. It’s tricky to rock a rhyme, to rock a rhyme that’s right on time, It’s Tricky. It’s not. It really isn’t, and it especially isn’t tricky to rock “It’s Tricky” right on time. It’s a fucking walk in the park! Sure, some raps may be slightly trickier to rock right on time. Take “Informer” by Snow for instance. That mothafuka raps insanely quick. The song lasts 4 minutes and 27 seconds, and he basically recites the whole of Lord of The Rings Trilogy in that time. Insanely quick.

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Did I actually just buy that?!

8 Oct

Why the fuck did I just buy that tshirt?! It cost £25!!! £25 on a fucking tshirt?! What the actual fuck Judy?! I spent £15 on CDS last night too!! £15!! CDs!! Who the fuck buys CDs?!?!

What the actual fuck am I doing?! I just got paid from bar job today, and my pay has been spent on 2 and a half CDs and a t-shirt. Granted the CDs are excellent, as is the t-shirt. But man alive!! £25 for a fucking tshirt?! My entire outfit today cost me £25!!!!!!! One t-shirt!! One!!

I am absolutely terrible at saving money! I can barely make rent and bills this month, and here I am spending £25 on a fucking tshirt. It doesn’t even have sleeves!!!

£25 to look like a fucking bell-end. Money well spent there Judy, you fucking idiot.

Pardon my language.


Davina McCall

27 Aug

I fucking hate Davina McCall.

I’m so glad Big Brother is over for good, no more of her “Aren’t I quirky?! Aren’t I fuckign hilarious?!” presenting shite. She is the sole reason I don’t use Garnier Nutrisse hair dye. I know it is probably better for my hair, but fuckign hell. If there’s the slightest chance I could turn into her by using that hair dye, I’d rather not risk it.

Urgh, Davina.


27 Aug

Time for some long overdue negativity. You know what really pisses me off? When you go to the toilet at work, and someone is in your cubical. That is MY cubical (2nd in from the left). I always use that cubical, always. I do not like to use another cubical. It is not the same. How am I expected to adjust to the new lighting, the new toielt seat, the new toilet roll?! I can’t.  I simply can’t! Continue reading