Tag Archives: FML

Neon

15 Nov

Have you seen the film Role Models? It is amazing. There is a scene where, due to a large consumption of Minotaur Energy Drink, Paul Rudd’s character Danny pee is bright, neon green.

I too am experiencing urine of bright, neon extremes, only mine is fluorescent yellow. I am talking fluorescent to the glowstick extreme. This is due to my incredibly high intake of Rockstar energy drinks. It’s quite a surprising thing to experience, having a ray of pee, brighter than the sun, shooting out of you. What the fuck is in those gigantic things of Rockstar?!

I am looking forward to the day where I go to the toilet and nothing out of the ordinary pops out of my lady garden. One day….one day.

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Condom

7 Nov

Sang to the tune of “Monster” by The Automatic

Had sex last night with HunkyArms
With HunkyArms, With HunkyArms
Thought to myself “what’s the harm?”
What’s the harm, what’s the harm?!

Woke up with a sore tummy
Sore tummy, Sore tummy
Maybe its just a hangover
Feel crummy, feel crummy
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How I survive

7 Nov

The daily cocktail of painkiller and vitamins that keep me going. All that’s missing is my pro-plus and my sleeping tablets to counteract the pro-plus.

The Ga*Ga’s said it best: “A little pill to make me sober up, a little pill to get me off my face”

Assed!

3 Nov

Man, I well can’t be assed being pregnant. Took the morning after pill 35 hours after the bangfest, so hopefully should be ok. But you know, its not 100% effective, and let’s face it- it’s me. I’m gonna be pregnant. Urgh! Now just gotta play the waiting game. Come on menstruation, don’t be a dick.

God, it would be just my luck to be a Preggy Peggy eh. Have the worst luck dating men, find a semi decent one, take all the necessary safety measures and STILL end up preggers. Yeah, that sounds like something life would do to me. Cheers!!

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What else is hiding up there?!

1 Nov

I’m just…so shocked!! Just you know, having a pee, wiping up any spills, and oh look- here’s a used condom. Aye cheers life.

Fuck sake. What will tomorrow morning’s pee bring? Perhaps that DVD I lost a couple of years back will pay me a visit. Who knows.

Well that was unexpected

1 Nov

I just went to the toilet. As I was wiping, a condom fell out my vagina.

It’d been stuck up there for roughly 12 hours. That might explain my sore stomach.

Looks like it’s the morning after pill before work tomorrow. FML.