Tag Archives: disaster

Bikini Line Drama

21 Dec

Again, parents- clear off!

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Here comes a new challenger!

9 Nov

With the departure of HunkyArms, and the semi-presence of Barony, I’ve decided I need to increase my man chat, so I don’t fall compeltely for Mr Brewhaha in a matter of minutes.

My pal NornIron is an absolute babe. Complete babe. We chat all the time, cheeky wee flirt here and there. There’s only a few small problems. 1. He lives in Northern Ireland, 2. He’s all talk and 3. He has a girlfriend. The liklihood of us going on a disasterous date are pretty slim. I’ll keep him on the list anyway, because he’s such a babe.

My other pal Farmer is also SUCH a babe. I mean, babe-a-tron babe standard. Like several of my exes, he too is a rower. But not just any rower, a rower for the GB under 23s squad. Ooh la la!! AND he wants to date me. Ooh la la. But again, a few problems. 1. He lives in London, 2. He used to see my pal.

Sigh!!! At least I know if I go down to London, I’ve got a bed waiting for me. Come on Glasgow, where’s your men at?! Can you give me one with no problems please? Thanks.

P.S. make sure he’s hot. All you ugly men can get to fuck.

Stop drinking.

5 Nov

Ok Judy, time to stop drinking. Get your act together. You are no longer going to do the following things:
1) Drunk text men
2) Drunk call men
3) Drunk Facey-b men

This is your demise. This is why your love interests don’t last long. You are a fucking nutjob, and you scare them away. Stop drinking. Stick to tap water. Tap water will not only save you money, it will save your dignity, and you might not die at the age of 25 from liver poisioning. Stop drinking.

See you LATER binge drinking, it’s been fun!

This might explain why I’m single.

11 Oct

On my way home today, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. My outfit probably meets the description of trailer trash quite accurately.

Jeans: Two sizes too big. Held together with a safety pin. Hole on right thigh. 3 years old.

Belt: An old pair of tights.

T-Shirt: White V-neck. Male. 2 sizes too big. Left in flat by Mobile after a photoshoot.

Jumper: Grey. Curry stain on front, wont wash off.

Jacket: Again, 2 sizes too big. Stolen from Lost Property. Tonight, it got some chewing gum attached to it. Chewing gum wont come off.

Hair: Greasy

Face: Tired. Spotty.

Yeah, I think that answers it.