No more office work!!!

21 Mar

Aye, so me and the boss had a chat today and came to a mutual agreement. I wasn’t happy with the job, and they weren’t really happy with my performance, so we called it a day. It wasn’t a good fit, it didn’t work up, so as of 5.15pm, I am day job less!! Yippee!!!

No more drive to Ayr, no more sitting at the desk by myself, eating lonely lunches. Whoop whoop!!

I dunno if office work is for me. I kinda hate it. Who knows what the next chapter of life will bring? Who knows.


Last night’s dinner

21 Mar

Man, dinner last night was incredible. Because we were hungover, rules about eating Slappy Unfriendly food go out the window. He can get a rash and dry skin for all I care. I am tired, hungover and hungry. That can only mean one thing. It’s time for chicken dippers and spaghetti hoops.

How incredible are spaghetti hoops?! Seriously, I mean, just wow. It’s like heaven in a can. The deep orange silky liquid with little round hoops swimming in it. What’s not to like? AND half a can counts as one of your five a day. Ooh la la. Added bonus!

Seriously though. Spaghetti hoops. How on earth would the world function without them? They are the king of foods. The king. Don’t get me wrong, alphabeti spaghetti and Disney pasta shapes are all very well. But personally, I think they are just showing off. What’s wrong with a simple round shape? Nothing. Nothing at all. Spaghetti hoops, I salute you.

What was even better about this dinner, was we had three types of potato. Three. Potato croquettes, potato wedges and crinkle cut potato chips. SMOTHERED in spaghetti hoops. Ladz, seriously. Wow. Just wow.

It pisses me off how restaurants don’t sell spaghetti hoops. I mean, they sell baked beans, why not sell hoops? Why can’t I have a big ole baked potato with spaghetti hoops? Why must I choose beans?! And why must I have peppercorn sauce with my steak? I want hoops!!

I am going to open up a restaurant that sells spaghetti hoops with everything, AND on their own. I anticipate that within 12 months I will be a millionaire.


21 Mar


I haven’t pooped this entire weekend. What is wrong with me?!

I really, REALLY needed to have one yesterday, but I spent the entire day at Slappy’s (have I told you about Slappy? I’m sure I’ve mentioned him somewhere in the blog…) and I can’t have a poopie in my boyfriend’s flat! That’s atrocious!

I mean, what if it doesn’t flush!! What the fuck would I do?! I can’t just leave it sitting there, like you do in public toilets. I’d have to make it vanish. Obvz I would try the ole stuff hunnerz o toilet papper in and flush like crazy technique, but if that was to no avail, then what? Then what?!

I remember reading a story in Mizz (mind that mag?) about this bird who was like “aye, pooped in my boyf’s house, but it didn’t flush, so I picked the poo up and threw it out the window. But it landed on the roof of the conservatory where everyone was having dinner”. Mare and a half. I don’t think I would try that method for many, many reasons. Mainly, I don’t want to pick up a poo. Could I actually bring myself to pick up my own feces and throw it out the window? Oh god no. I would feel so…disgusting. And if Slappy found out? That’d be the end of it for sure. I mean, I wouldn’t want to go out with a poo flinger. Gadz no!

So, I’ve just kept it in. Kept it tucked inside my booty, safe and snug. I’m at work now, drinking a large coffee, so it’s only a matter of time before I let it all out. But yeah, having a poopie at your boyf’s is strictly off the agenda for this cat. I will just suffer instead.

David Walther

18 Mar

I need to phone this man to ask him about how he screens for diseases in his potatoes. However, i will probably be too busy giggling at his job title to properly concentrate.


My crazy hearing

17 Mar

One of the galz in the office was just chatting. She said “that’s not in my procedures”

Due to her accent,  I thought she said “that’s not in my pussyjuice”

I had about 5 mins of shock before the penny dropped.

Every cloud

17 Mar

So, in my job I’m researching the American market, and finding out about their plant disease testing methods. Do you use ELISA to test for phytophthora? What about for rhizoctonia? Ah, you use a real-time PCR kit? How very interesting.

As I was saying, I’m not really stimulated, and feel just a bit…blah.  But, as the saying goes, every cloud has a silver lining.

I have to research annual meetings etc, and find out where we should be exhibiting and the like. The Annual Meeting of the American Phytopathological Society is a keen hot spot. If I’m lucky enough to be kept on in this job, there is a wee chance I could be sent along to the conference to exhibit our amazing plant disease diagnostic kits. So you know, hanging around listening to lectures about plant diseases, ways to control plant diseases, what tests we can carry out etc etc. Urgh, hardly the best trip of my life  Continue reading

Yeah, I know…

17 Mar

Yes, yes I know. I am lucky to have a job. I’m sat here complaining about how unfulfilling it is whilst the UK is sitting at 8.7% unemployed. Many people I know are struggling to find work, and here I am. Sitting at a desk, getting a good wage and complaining that it’s not stimulating enough.

Yeah, well I know I am. And I do feel bad complaining. But, hey, if it’s making me feel really down, then I need to talk about it eh! I know some people will be reading my other post and thinking “what’s she got to complain about? She has an amazingly hot rockstar boyfriend, decent pals and a good paying job”. But if it’s getting you down, it’s getting you down.

I mean, you can say that about anything. Say you’re pretty skint one week, and all you can afford to eat is Tesco value pasta and Tesco value sauce. You’d probably complain yeah? But then, there’s all those millions of people starving in the world, who would kill to even have a mouthful of what you’re having. You’re still gonna complain.

So yes. I know I am incredibly lucky to have a job, and it could be a lot worse. But I still feel empty. And everyone’s allowed to feel like that once in a while