Archive | March, 2011

The end of the road

31 Mar

And now, the end is here and so I face my final curtain…

Ladies and Gentlemen, here we are. We’ve come to the end of the line. Unlike The Scream Movies, I know when to stop. I have decided that today, this very post will be my last. Please, please don’t cry.

I have so many new exciting prospects coming up- maybe my modelling will take off, maybe I’ll get some big high paying, all powerful job.Who knows where me and Slappy will end up (marriage, obviously, but you know..)? Who knows what the future will hold?

I feel the story of Judy Frary’s disasterous life has come to an end, and a new chapter is beginning. But yeah, assed with making a sequel. Why ruin a perfectly good story (Pirates of the Caribbean) by dragging it out unnecessarily (why are they making a FORTH movie?! Why!).

Thanks for reading, and following my journey with me. Who knows what’s around the riverbend? Who knows.

All my love,

Judy Fonmanu McSlapperson

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Should I take Keisha?

25 Mar

I mean, she’s gonna be my maid of honour, so surely I should take her along? Her opinion means the most, and like, I need to make sure she’s happy with her bridesmaid dress.

Vendors would really take me seriously then. An engagment ring and a baby. They would know I’m not messing around. I mean business.

But then again, I don’t fancy exposing wee Keisha to all those Bridezillas out there. I want to keep her pure and innocent for as long as possible. Hmmmm…what to do

This weekend

25 Mar

Ladz, the most amazing thing is in town this weekend. No, not Vanilla Ice, and certainly not the circus. Something better than those two put together and covered in spaghetti hoops. The Wedding Fare.

Yes, that’s right!!! This weekend, in George Square is The Wedding Fare. How fucking amazing!! Was driving home last night from bar job (remember, not umeployed!!) and see this beautiful, big white marquee all set up and ready to go. I curiously look to see what it’s all about and BOOM!!! My heart just about jumps out of my wee car!! The Wedding Fare!!! Aaaaaaah!!!

Do you even know what that means?! That means hunnerz, and I mean hunnerz, of wedding related sales people all under one beautiful marquee. They’ll be people who do cakes, people who do invites, and most importantly,people who do dresses!!!! I’m gonna try on ten!! Ten!!! Aaaaah!! WEDDING DRESSES!!!! Oh man, I hope they’re cheap. If they are cheap enough I might buy one. Oooooh!! I’m gonna get SO many goody bags! I mean, just think of all the fre wedding stuff I can get!!! Just think. So many brochures, so many invitation samples. Wowza!!

Howevez, there is one problem. I don’t have an engagement ring. So going around all the stalls and vendors, they will look at my left hand, see there’s no ring and just think “urgh, she’s not getting married, she’s just some sad loser in by herself”. Their looks of disgust would break my heart and ruin my enthusiasm. To combat this, I need to buy myself a ring! One of those wee sparkly numbers from Claire’s Accessories ought to do the trick. That’ll prove to these vendors that I am not some single loser prancing around the far for my fake wedding. No. They will take me seriously, and give me their best offers.

I am beyond excited.

I should clarify…

24 Mar

Me and Slappy aren’t going through a rough patch or having a massive argument or anything like that. So, sadly, no dramatic break up blogs anytime soon. Just sad that it can’t stay all rosy and peachy forever, like Disney promised it would. Stupid Disney.

Disney

24 Mar

Don’t you just fucking hate Disney? The idea of a prince coming to sweep you off your feet, and whisk you away to a world of happiness. Together, you will live happily ever after.

Aye, bullshit.

They don’t prepare you for what a real relationship is like. Nothing about jealousy, lies, trust issues. They don’t mention any of the bad parts. Stupid fucking Disney. How are girls meant to cope in real life! What are we meant to do when it’s not all happy endings? Not all smiles and romantic kisses? What are we meant to do when shit gets real?

I have no idea.

I properly have no idea. I am completely lost. I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know how to be in a proper relationship. Sometimes I think I can’t do it. I’m not meant to be in a serious relationship. With past boyfs, when things have gotten a bit shit, or we’ve had an argument, then BOOM! Relationship over. I’m like Chandler. When it starts to get too real, then it’s time to walk away.

But I don’t wanna do that. I wanna be in a relationship. A proper relationship. Just don’t have a fucking clue what I’m doing!

And so, Walt Disney, I am blaming you. Why did you never show us girls what life is like after the happy ever after? Would it really be that bad to see Aladdin and Jasmine have an arguement over living arrangements? Or for Snow White’s Prince to show hunnerz o jealousy cos she’s hanging out with 7 men all the time? That would make for interesting viewing. That would help us out in the future!

Urgh.

Bedroom bin

23 Mar

Have a wee look at your bedroom bin. What’s inside? Perhaps some receipts, some scrap paper. Maybe a couple of facial wipes, cotton buds- that kind of thing.

My bedroom bin contains none of the above. All that’s in mine is empty beer cans, empty cider cans and used condoms.

That my friends, is my life.

No more office work!!!

21 Mar

Aye, so me and the boss had a chat today and came to a mutual agreement. I wasn’t happy with the job, and they weren’t really happy with my performance, so we called it a day. It wasn’t a good fit, it didn’t work up, so as of 5.15pm, I am day job less!! Yippee!!!

No more drive to Ayr, no more sitting at the desk by myself, eating lonely lunches. Whoop whoop!!

I dunno if office work is for me. I kinda hate it. Who knows what the next chapter of life will bring? Who knows.