Archive | February, 2011


27 Feb

Tonight is our staff Karaoke night out. (Bar job)

Colleague, prepare yourself for a musical extravaganza. Your ears will experience a sound so perfect, so delicate, that they will be astounded. Your ears will literally fall off your head because they can’t handle the glory that is Judy Frary Singing.

This is my chance to shine. I am hogging the mic, and I am dazzling the crowds.

Set list:

Wait and Bleed-Slipknot (duo with Slappy)
Stand and Deliver- Adam and the Ants
Touch Me- Sam Fox
Baby Got Back- Sir Mix-a-lot

And just whatever else takes my fancy. I am EXCITED



26 Feb

Yesterday I wore trousers to the day job. I forgot to pack a change of clothes for bar job, so ended up working the bar in trousers. It was a terrible, terrible day.

To comepnsate, I am jsut about to head off to said bar job in the shortest shorts I have. You can see flap.

The best Subway in the world

26 Feb

Mind how I’m cutting out things Slappy’s allergic to because I am such a great girlfriend? Aye? Aye.

Well, last night, I had the most fantastic Subway ever. It was delicious. You know you always hear of dieters who save it all up for one big GORGE on full fat chocolate cake, or something like that? Well that’s what I did. I packed that sandwich FULL of Slappy Unfriendly foods. Man alive. It was DELICIOUS! Mmmmmm!

Everything I’ve not been eating that I love, packed into one footlong tasty snack. It had five anti-Slappy foods. Five.


Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!! Oh man. It was so good!! My mouth is watering at the thought. Watering!!

Why did it taste so good? Because it was so BAD.

I went for a fitting

26 Feb

I’m being a model for my pal’s sister’s fashion show, so I had to go for a fitting. I forgot I was going for a fitting, and decided to wear a thong that day. Designer made me strip down to my underware. Oh, hello bum.

I had also forgot that I am currently growing out my bush. You know, so it’s long enough for a wax. Oh, hello hairy vag.

The outfit she’s making me wear encompasses a leoptard. She needed me to spread my legs a bit so she can get the crotch measurements right. Oh, hello hand near my hairy vag.


Job Stress

26 Feb

So, unlike in Larbert, there is only one toilet cubicle. It’s like a toilet under the stairs type thing. So the whole hassle of going to the toilet is much less stress free. Hurrah!

But there is something else which is causing me unbelievale amounts of stress. My computer mouse.

It has six buttons. Six. SIX! What on earth do you need six buttons for?! Well, obvz: right click, left click. Then the scroll button, then there’s two side buttons- one for going back a page and one for going forward. That’s five. Five useful buttons.

But number six? For the life of me I can’t work it out. I’ve searched on Google and everything. Google has failed me. I don’t have a fucking clue what button six does, and it is the bane of my whole existance. I hate it. I hate you mouse.

It’s a Dell. I can’t find a good picture. It makes me want to cry.

New job

22 Feb


This whole 6.30am wake up call is nuts. Pure nuts. Driving to Ayr isn’t too bad, only takes about an hour, and traffic is naaae bother. Costs about £7 per day in petrol, so works out more or less the same as the commute to Larbert.

But MAN ALIVE!! I’m literally falling asleep at the desk I’m that tired!! I didn’t sleep well on Sunday night, OR Monday, so have been totez exhausted at work. Not a good first impression.

I’m wearing trousers and knee length skirts. Everyone is married with children. I feel quite grown up. It’s scary.


Tomatoes :(

21 Feb

I actually can’t believe I’m giving up tomatoes. I don’t know how I’m going to cope! I ALWAYS cook with tomatoes. Always! What am I going to do?! I mean…it’s not like, if you give up meat, you can replace that with Quorn. THere isn’t a tomato substitute eh. I mean…mushrooms are great, fan-fucking-tastic, but like, they’re totally different to my tommybabes. Completel different.

What on earth am I going to do?! What can I use instead?! Urgh. Slappybabes, you OWE me!