Archive | January, 2011


31 Jan

Take note pals, is no more. is ALIVE!

Same shite stories, just a bit more employer friendly!


Cheesy dreams

31 Jan

Man alive. I love cheese. For the past week, I’ve been having cheese before bed. I’ve been doing the unthinkable- MIXING my cheeses together. Bit of brie on this, some boursain on that, slap on some emmental on here. All mixed up and in my belly. Yum-a-rama.

But what’s not yum-a-rama- cheesy dreams!! Fucking hell, they are the worst!! My cheese related dreams seem to revolve around two things- death and poo. I keep dreaming that important people in my life keep dying. And I keep pooing! What the actual fuck mate!!

So far, my parents, Slappy and my nephew have died on me. Whenever I wake up, I’m in an absolute traumatic state. I’m not sure if it’s real or not. When Slappy died on me, I woke up in an absolute panic. I couldn’t see him lying next to me and I was like AAAAH!! HE’S DEAD!! Turns out he was just hiding under the covers, the wee scamp. But yeah, cheesy dreams are traumatic.

I’m gonna have to lay off the cheese, as much as I love it. Dreaming about death and poo is never pleasant. Never.

Valentine’s Day

30 Jan

Well, since I have a boyfy boyf, I need to get a Valentines Day present for him to show him how much I wanna have his babies. Buying presents is one of the most stressful things I do. For my pal’s wedding, I was stressed for 3 months. For Christmas, a full year. So for Valentine’s Day, man alive. Stress a rama.

But all this has changed. The power of the internet has solved all my problems. I got the best email in the world ever:

I’m going to professionally record my own love song!!

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30 Jan

Hello blog! What’s happening? I’ll tell you what’s happening with me- NAE SLEEP! Nae sleep for the past 7 nights. I am fucking going insane!

I swear I’ve had about 30 hours sleep in the past 7 nights. 30. That’s like…4 and a half hours a night. That sounds about right. I am losing my marbles. I’m incredibly cranky and easily irritable. I’ve stopped thinking before I speak. I am on an emotional rollercoaster. Mood swings a plenty!!

I am going to collapse.

4 hour nap. Blog. Dancing On Ice. Bed. Yes. Yes.YES!! MMMMM God i fucking love bed. mmmmmm I love you bed of mine. LET’S DATE xxxxxx

Vanilla Ice breaks my heart

27 Jan

I’ve just lost all faith in humanity. Why wont he tweet me back? He’s tweeted back some of his fans. I mean, he follows me on Twitter, so he is aware of my existence. What is it about me that he just doesn’t like? Why aren’t I good enough for you Vanilla?

He just hates me. 😦

I’m just going to curl up in a ball and cry my eyes out. I mean, I have so much faith in him. I support him in so many ways. And he just doesn’t care about me. Why is he treating me this way. I thought he loved all his “Ice Ninjas”. Everyone except for me.

I’m crying as I type this. Are you happy now Vanilla? Reducing your number one fan to tears? Giving her a feeling of worthlessness. I’m not good enough for Vanilla Ice. I’m not good enough for anyone.

You’ve left me a broken, broken woman.


27 Jan

Aren’t relationships funny? I was just having a wee scan at Facebook at some of my ex boyfs, and all I could think was…I actually don’t give a fuck about you. I don’t care what you’re up to, who your seeing, or anything in the slightest. Your life is of no interest to me at all. DELETE!

It’s just so weird, how this one person could mean so much to you at some point in your life, and now they just mean absolutely nothing. Like, I thought I might have a wee bit of nostalgia or something. But no. All I can think is, urgh. You’re a terrible person. Why did I ever go out with you. You repulse me. I don’t like you as a friend, why did I like you as a boyfriend. I have no interest in your life whatsoever.

You mean nothing to me. I have no desire to ever speak to you again.

Like an old married couple

27 Jan

Yep. Me and Slappz have just skipped the whole “dating” part and gone straight to being an old married couple (OMC). Except we’re not old. And he wont marry me.

So you know at the start of a relationship, it’s normally all about going out for dinner, to the cinema, and doing generaly datey things. Nah, sack that. We’ve skipped right over that! We go out for a few bevs with some of the work folk, but apart from that we’ve just gone into OMC mode. We just go around to each other’s flats, cook each other dinner, and just hang out. Maybe watch a bit of TV, maybe have a wee bang. And you know what? It’s great!  Just hanging out, getting to know each other more and just you know…it’s so lovely!

Last night, I felt like the ultimate housewife. I went round to Slappy’s for a snugglehour. He was going to meet his pal at the pub, and I didn’t want to go ruin their reunion (and I was pure knackz), so I stayed in his bed. So he’s out at the pub with his mates, and I’m in his bed watching TV. Waiting up for him. Kept checking my watch, being all “When’s Slappy getting home?” Got a text being like “I’ll be home soon, just having another drink” “No worries, I’m going to bed” “I’ll try not to wake you”. Like an OMC.

And you know what? It’s great! I mean, we’re gonna go out for dinner and that, when we get paid, but jsut hanging out, doing nothing is just….super. I know some couples always complain “we never go out, we never do anything, we just sit around”, but not me. I don’t care if we’re sitting watching Channel 4, or out having a meal. Al lthat matters is that I’m with Slappy.

(Pass me the vom bucket aye!)